I have heard the expression so many times over the years and it has made me think. Are all men really dogs? Or is it the choices that are being made? After all, a dog treated right is actually the most loyal animal to have around.
I think that is it time that we stop labeling all men as being dogs. As women we are up in arms when we hear men saying that all women are b!tches, hoes and gold diggers. Because we are not those things. Yes, you do have some men and women that exhibit these behaviors, but to go as far as saying all is a bit of a stretch. Does that mean the son you are raising is also a dog? Are you raising a dog?
Now don’t get me wrong, I have had a few experiences with the “dog” types, but I have also been loved by great men who are father figures, family members and in relationships. I have friends that have been married for decades and are married to Godly, wise thoughtful, faithful and considerate men. I know men that are great role models in their community, in their churches, on their jobs and in their homes.
I have been cheated on and cheated with (I didn’t know I was being cheated with btw). I have been lied to, disrespected, used, rejected and humiliated. I’ve “leant” money only to realize that I was never going to see that money again. I have been ghosted by men who said and acted as though they wanted a relationship, and as if by magic, they were gone. So clearly, they did not!
I have also known amazing, kind, loving, caring, honest, faithful men, that took care of me and treated me like a queen. I know men that are wonderful fathers and husbands, I am happily related to a few. Men that would do anything for the woman in their live and treats them like a queen. I know men that are intentional about what they want and don’t play games.
I know of a man that has 32 children with many, many women. And that’s the number of children that we know of and that he admits to. What about the women that he has slept with that did not get pregnant? I shudder to think of what the actual number is. And it’s not just the pregnancies that have resulted in children that should be alarming, it is also the number of women he is sleeping with having unprotected sex.
Now, it is common knowledge that he has that many children with multiples of women. My question is, if it is common knowledge that he has that many children, I would ask after a certain number why where women still going there? What is the cut off, when you say, “nah, I’ll pass thanks though!” Is it that you think you can change him? It is not your job or place to try to change anyone, they have to want to do that for themselves. They are going to want to stop dipping their wick every place that takes their fancy.
I recall meeting a man that I was interested in, but something about him had me a little intimidated. He was that rugged, very manly, man type. And me with my little self, thought, “this is too much man for me”. My mother used to say, “don’t pick up what you can’t manage!” And he was that for me. After a while of him repeatedly asking, I agreed to go out for a drink.
We went out and the evening was actually going very well. As we were talking and getting to know each other I asked, “so, how many children do you have?” He answered, “ten!” I thought he was joking, so I asked again, the answer was the same. Still thinking he was joking, or maybe I was in shock, I asked again, to which he replied, “ten”, holding up his two hands. I then asked, “are they all with the same woman?” He answered. “no, with six different women.” You know there was nothing to take any further after that answer. He thought it was his badge of honor that he took care of them all and had a good relationship with them all. Erm, you made them, so that is actually the least you should do!
We did remain friends and he would often say to me, “you sure you don’t want me to give you a baby? You know I make good children.” To which my answer was, “so what you’re saying to me is this, my child number one is going to be your child number 11? I’m good thanks, I’ll pass.”
I say that to say, many men do not hide how many children they have and with how many women. Some men do not hide the fact that they are married, and they are not leaving their wives. Some, and notice I am saying some. Some women will know that, still go there and then start bad mouthing the man as he didn’t settle down with them. Why did you think he would? If he hadn’t with the mother of child number 1, 2, 3, 4, 5…. Why did you think he was going to with you? And then it is men are this and men are that! But you knew before the entanglement, and you still made the choice to go there. Woman up and take responsibility for the fact that you made a bad choice and you are left to live with it while he has gone on his merry way livin’ la vida loca, just as he was when you met him.
Another character I had gotten in an “entanglement” with, where I thought I was the girlfriend and turned out to be the side chick. He eventually came clean and told me the truth, every relationship he ever had overlapped, he never fully ended one before starting another. He started to tell me that we can go to Jamaica and get married and have a couple of curly haired children (he put it a little more crudely than that!), even went as far as writing it down.
I looked at him and said, “you have admitted to me that every relationship you have ever had has overlapped. What makes me so special that you are going to remain faithful to me?” And with that there was no more talk of it, I was not going to take that chance.
There are many men that are very honest about all of their children and conquests. Women make the choice to get into an entanglement with them and then become bitter, resentful and angry when that said man continues on his journey, doing exactly what you met him doing. There are even some cases that the man is married, the women know he is a married man, get involved and the start the bad mouthing that all men are dogs. When you do that be sure to put your sons, brothers, fathers, nephews, cousins pastors, in that. By saying all men are dogs that is what you are speaking into the life of your own sons, brothers, fathers, nephews, cousins.
No, they are not all dogs, when are the women that find themselves in these situations going to take responsibility for their part, for the choices they made. If you meet a man that has many children, with many women, and has not settled down with any of them, do you really think you are “the one”? If you meet a man that is married and you still decide to entertain him and he stays with his wife, does none of the responsibility lie with you?
It’s pretty much the same as super religious people that blame the devil for everything that has gone wrong in their lives, or every bad turn of events that they have experienced. No, some of the mishaps, even some disastrous things we at times go through, is a result of bad decisions and bad choices we have made. The easy route is to blame someone or something else rather than have a good inward look. Stop giving the devil so much credit and look within!
Not all men just want sex or to play games, some actually want a wife, a home, a family. I personally know men like that. I have met a man just like that when I was younger. To me he was moving too fast as all he kept talking about was settling down. I called it quits and saw him two years later in the supermarket with his wife. I was a little taken aback and all he said to me was, “I told you, this is what I want, to be settled, and have a family. I learned a valuable lesson that day.
Some men are excellent role models for their children and the children of others around them. Some men that are great sons and brothers. Some are Godly, God fearing men who want commitment and are committed to finding the woman for them. Men that have vision, ambition, aspirations, dreams and goals. Men that can keep house are great cooks, that can clean and iron (that will be needed as I do not like ironing!). There are also those that have been treated so badly and undeservedly so, by an ex using the child of children to hurt them, when all they want to do is be a good father.
Let’s not do that to men anymore, painting them all with the same brush because of a bad experience you had. And yes, I know that there are some women that have been treated abominably at the hands of a man. But I am still hopeful that if you were to make a list of all the men you know the good men list will far outweigh the dogs list.
If you are being really honest, are you telling me that you don’t know any good men? So just because you may have chosen or been chosen by a “dog” doesn’t meant that all men are dogs.
If we are honest some of what we have experienced is a result of the choices and decisions we have made. Isn’t it time that people started to take responsibility for their decisions, and begin to make better choices. Because let’s face it, all men really are not dogs.